Maintaining Abandonment
by Trekgirl01
Summary: Carsan happiness set after "Stable Changes."
1. Chapter 1

Maintaining Abandonment  
by Stephanie Muñoz  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own ER, nor the characters of that remarkable show. I just like to take them and put them in situations that renounce everything Carby.  
  
Author's Notes and assorted ramblings: I started writing this the day after I saw Lockdown, which on the whole, I thought was pretty good. Until the final scene. That made me want to throw up, so I had to write something that was nothing but Carter and Susan happiness. I apologize now for the extreme amound of Carsan mush, but it made me feel better.  
  
This story takes places in the fun and happy universe I created in "Stable Changes." I really like that universe, so I think I'll continue letting the characters play in it. I don't really think its necessary to read "Stable Changes" before this, but it would help.  
  
Quick rundown - Carter and Susan are together (duh, this is a story written by me) and Susan has moved into the Carter mansion. Well, now that my notes are longer than the story, I think I'll stop.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
The rain beat harshly against the windows and on the roof, waking me up too early from my dreamless sleep. I grumbled as I looked at the clock and realized that it was a little before 3 and I didn't have to be at work until 5. Laying back down, I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, at least for another half hour. Just as I could feel myself start to drift off, the buzz saw next to me decided that a few more trees needed to be destructed, as well as my hopes for more sleep.  
  
I sat up and turned the light on. John was snoring loudly next to me, sleeping peacefully. Too peacefully. I turned the light on brighter and clambered out of the bed. Even with the light and my not so gentle movements, he still remained asleep. Grabbing my robe and wrapping it around me, I make my way to the bathroom, trying not to be mad at John because he's enjoying his sleep and I'm not.  
  
I really shouldn't be upset or jealous, I tell myself as I stare at my reflection in the mirror as it starts to fog up with the steam from the shower. After all, I continue thinking, he really does deserve to sleep. Over the past few weeks, he's been pulling too many double shifts, single handedly trying to make up for Mark's absence. And on top of that, he's revising draft after draft of his study, trying to get it finalized.  
  
Shower done and completely dressed, I sit at the window seat, trying to make out familiar objects on the street below through the sheets of rain. Just as I'm about to get up and go to work more than an hour early, the chain saw on the bed abruptly stops and Carter sits up, his eyes half open and his hair pointing in every direction.  
  
"Susan?" he asked with a gravelly voice.  
  
"Hey sweetie. I'm here," I said going over to the bed and sitting next to him. "Go back to sleep, John."  
  
"Are you going to work already?"  
  
"Yeah, but its only a half shift. I'll be back at 11. That will give us plenty of time to get ready before Mark and his family come over for the barbecue." I ran my hands through his hair as I tried to soothe him back to sleep.  
  
"Its raining," he mumbled. "Don't go to work when its raining. Stay here in bed with me all day," he said, smiling.  
  
I leaned down and kissed him softly. "I wish I could, but I won't be gone that long."  
  
"Susan, I love you," he said, looking up at me.  
  
"And I love you, too. I'll be back soon," I said, kissing his forehead and then pulling the covers around him and leaving.  
  
I arrived at work a little bit later, surprised that it hadn't taken me very long even with the bad driving conditions. Walking into the ER, I found it nearly deserted. Lydia sat at the admit desk watching TV with Jerry, Cassandra from housekeeping was cleaning windows, and Pratt was busy grumbling about something.  
  
"Morning Dr. Lewis," Jerry said.  
  
"Good morning. Anything interesting this morning?" I asked, sipping my coffee.  
  
"Not really. Dr. Kovac is asleep in Exam Three, and Pratt is about to give a homeless man a rectal," he snickered.  
  
"That should be fun," Lydia chimed in.  
  
"For the guy or Pratt?" I asked.  
  
"Both," Lydia and Jerry said simultaneously.  
  
"As much fun as that sounds, I think I'll go wake up Luka and free him from all of this before catching up on chart reviews. In the mean time, give all the minor cases to Pratt, but page me if anything comes in that he might enjoy doing," I smiled.  
  
"Will do, Dr. Lewis," Jerry said.  
  
Walking past Curtain Area Three where I could hear Pratt still grumbling, I slowly opened the door to the exam room where Luka slept.  
  
"Luka?" I said quietly. When I got no response, I called his name again and opened the door so a little more light came through.  
  
"Hmmph," he said, sitting up. "Dr. Lewis. Is something wrong?" he asked.  
  
"No. Just wanted to tell you that you can go home now."  
  
"Oh, okay, thanks." He yawned as I headed back toward the lounge. I stopped at Curtain Three when I heard the patient give a small yelp.  
  
"Everything okay in there, Pratt?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, we're cool," he grumbled. I resumed my walk and nodded to Jerry and Lydia as I entered the lounge, ready to tackle my chart reviews.  
  
It took less than an hour for me to finish everything. I got up and stretched as I walked over to the admit area.  
  
"Done already?" Lydia asked.  
  
"Yeah. I'm going over to Doc Magoo's for a minute to get some breakfast. You guys want anything?"  
  
"Nah, I'm fine," Jerry said. "Raided the vending machine half hour ago."  
  
"And he was nice enough to share," Lydia said with a yawn. "Any more coffee in the lounge?"  
  
"Made a pot ten minutes ago," I smiled. "Hey, Pratt," I said to the student sitting at the computer. "You want anything from Doc Magoo's?"  
  
"You buying?" he asked, not looking up from the screen.  
  
"Depends. What's the worst procedure you've had to do this week?" I asked, willing to play.  
  
"Easy. That rectal I just gave to that homeless man. That was bad."  
  
"Oooh, I think he's got you beat," Jerry commented.  
  
"Rectal on a homeless guy. Yeah, that's pretty bad. But so is having a meeting with Anspaugh, Romano, and Weaver," I smiled.  
  
"Lewis one, Pratt, zero," Lydia laughed as Pratt handed over a five.  
  
"You win. Bring me back eggs and bacon," he said, shaking his head. "Anspaugh, Romano, and Weaver?" he asked. "What did you do to deserve that?"  
  
"Nothing. Its just part of being an attending," I said, walking out of the ER.  
  
I returned less than fifteen minutes later with two to go boxes. As I put them down on the counter, a little girl ran up to me and pulled at my wet overcoat.  
  
"Doctor, please help my mommy!" she said frantically.  
  
"Okay, what's wrong, where is she?" I asked, trying to calm her down by running my hand over her head.  
  
"She's gonna have a baby! She's in the car outside! Hurry!" The little girl took my hand and pulled me towards the ambulance bay.  
  
"Hey Lydia, come help me. I think there's a woman in labor outside," I said, following the dark haired girl.  
  
"Mommy, I got the doctor, Mommy!" she yelled with triumph as we reached the car.  
  
"Good job, Kristy. Please, help me, doctor. The baby's coming!" yelled the young woman who leaned against the car for support.  
  
"Okay, don't push. Whatever you do, don't push yet." Lydia and I helped her onto the gurney.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" Pratt asked, walking towards us.  
  
"We've got a woman in active labor. Do me a favor, Pratt," I said, rushing her to the nearest room. "Take her daughter to Jerry, tell him to keep an eye on her and then go park the car outside in case an ambulance comes. Then rush back because you're assisting me here."  
  
"Got it. I won't take long, Dr. Lewis," he said, taking the little girl's hand.  
  
"You know, some times, he isn't a complete jerk," Lydia said as the woman, Beth, we had learned, screamed again.  
  
"Okay, Beth, here we go. Get ready to push," I said. "Lydia, can you page Obstetrics once you've got that IV in."  
  
Just as Beth was starting to push, Pratt came back in. "Did I miss anything?" Beth screamed again and he added, "Guess not."  
  
"Come here, Pratt." I called. "The baby's already crowning. I'm going to let you do the rest."  
  
"All right. Here we go, push!" he said calmly. "Come on, just a little bit more, I've got the shoulders. One or two more pushes, Beth. Ready, push!" he said. "Good, good job. One more, ready, push!"  
  
Beth screamed once more before Pratt held up the tiny baby. "Congratulations, you have a baby boy," Pratt smiled. Lydia and I took the baby and cleaned him up before handing him to Beth who was crying with happiness.  
  
"Good job, Pratt," I said, patting him on the back, thinking that he might not be a complete jerk. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
I pulled up to the Carter mansion around 11:30 and found John outside playing basketball.  
  
"Hey there!" he smiled when he saw me coming up the walkway with bags of groceries. "How was work?" he asked after kissing me.  
  
"Eww, you're all sweaty!" I laughed, pushing him away. "Go shower and then I'll tell you all about it," I smiled.  
  
"Sounds good," he said, taking in the groceries. After he set the bags on the counter, he turned back to me and kissed my cheek before leaving.  
  
I put away all of the groceries and got a water bottle from the fridge before heading towards the living room. Just as I settled on the couch and turned the TV on, I could hear Eleanor and Gamma as they came down the stairs.  
  
"Where are you two off to this fine afternoon?" I asked, noticing that they were dressed up nicely.  
  
"Off to a luncheon, Susan," Eleanor said.  
  
"Some charity thing," Gamma added. "Should be lots of fun. Table dancing and everything."  
  
"Gamma, what did I tell you about dancing on tables," I joked.  
  
"Don't worry, Susan," Eleanor smiled. "I'll be the only one dancing on any tables today. Just point me to the gin and I'll be fine."  
  
"Maybe we'll both dance just to liven things up," Gamma smiled.  
  
"Be sure to have someone take pictures," I called as the left.  
  
"Take pictures of what?" John asked as he came down the stairs, hair still damp from his shower.  
  
"Of your mother and Gamma dancing on tables at the charity luncheon after they've had a few too many martinis," I laughed.  
  
"I really have to start going to those luncheons again," he smiled. "So, how was work?"  
  
"Not that bad. I let Pratt deliver a baby this morning, and he did pretty well. But then we got really busy and he went back into total jerk mode," I said, playing with his hand entwined with mine.  
  
"Figures. Anything else interesting happen?"  
  
"Yeah. Lydia's sister in law was on The Price is Right. She won a bunch of furniture." Carter laughed a little, then settled back into the couch. He looked at me for a few moments, then kissed my cheek. "What happened to you today that made you so happy?" I asked.  
  
"I finished my study," he gleamed.  
  
"Really? Oh, that's wonderful!!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around his neck.  
  
"Yep. Got sick of bounce back patients, so I printed out what I had and threw it out the window," he laughed.  
  
I leaned back and looked at him. "You did not."  
  
"You're right, I didn't, but it would have been nice to do that."  
  
"Come on, I'll make you a smoothie to celebrate," I said, standing up and pulling me with him.  
  
"A smoothie. Thirty pages discussing how to reduce the number of bounce back patients a county hospital receives, and all I get is a smoothie?" he half teased.  
  
"Well, I can throw in a back rub for fun."  
  
"Deal," he smiled.  
  
We spent then next hour sitting around, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. As I laid on the couch with my head in John's lap, I smiled, thinking about how absolutely perfect this was. Just then the phone rang and Carter reached over to answer it.  
  
"Carter residence," he said as I laughed at the formal way he always said that. "Oh, okay.... No Problem... See you then." He hung the phone up and then looked down at me, running a hand through my hair. "That was Mark. They might be a little late since Elizabeth is still in surgery."  
  
"Good. That means I don't have to get up soon," I yawned.  
  
"Why don't you go upstairs and take a nap for a bit? I'll wake you when they get here," he smiled.  
  
"Are you sure? There is some stuff I should get done," I started.  
  
"I'll make the salad and get the grill ready. It'll be more than an hour before they come. Go on," he nudged.  
  
"All right," I conceded, getting up and heading for the stairs. Before laying down, I remembered something and went back to the staircase. "John! I bought fresh cucumbers for the salad! And be sure to wash--"  
  
"Go to sleep, Susan, I've got it!" he cut me off. I smiled and went to lay down, allowing myself to fall asleep.  
  
It didn't feel like I had been sleeping long when the doorbell chime woke me up. Sitting up, I listened to the voices downstairs and realized the Greenes had arrived. Pausing at the mirror to smooth my hair, I went downstairs to find that Carter had just escorted everyone to the backyard.  
  
"I'll go put the baby's bottle in the fridge," I heard Mark say.  
  
"Mark!" I called to him as he came back inside.  
  
"Hey, Susan!" he said, hugging me. "Carter said you were upstairs taking a nap."  
  
"I just woke up." I pulled away from him and looked at him. "You doing okay?"  
  
"You know, I really hate it when someone asks me that, except you," he smiled. "Yeah, I'm doing okay. I miss work, but I'm having fun at home." We walked into the kitchen and put two bottles in the fridge. "How have you been?"  
  
"I've got not complaints," I smiled as I started loading the small ice chest Carter got out with sodas.  
  
"Good. Its good that you're happy here," he smiled.  
  
"I've missed you," I said after pausing for a few moments.  
  
"And I've missed you. Come on, let's go outside," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Hello, Susan," Elizabeth said as we walked outside. She smiled as she greeted me, but whenever she talked to me, I couldn't help but feel that she was never completely at ease with me.  
  
"Hi, Elizabeth. Hey Rachel," I acknowledged the both of them. "I brought sodas. Can I get you anything?"  
  
"Do you have Sprite?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Yeah, here you go," Mark said, handing his daughter the blue green can.  
  
"Thanks, Dad," she smiled as we both sat down.  
  
"So how did your surgery go, Elizabeth?" I asked.  
  
"Besides running a little late, it went well."  
  
"That's good," I said.  
  
"Susan, can I go lay Ella down somewhere?" Rachel asked, bouncing the fussy baby on her knee. "I think she wants a nap."  
  
"She probably does," Mark added.  
  
"Sure, follow me," I said, leading the way inside. We made a little bed for Ella in the living room and as soon as she laid down, her eyes closed.  
  
"Hey Rachel, I want to show you something," I whispered.  
  
Rachel followed me into the kitchen where I got something out of the pantry. "What is that?" she asked when I set the bucket down on the counter.  
  
"Its an ice cream maker that I found the other day while I was searching for a midnight snack. I bought everything so we could make real ice cream after dinner. Would you like to help me?"  
  
"Sure. That sounds cool," she said with a smile.  
  
We went back outside and found Carter, Elizabeth, and Mark trying to put out a small fire that started on the grill. "There," Carter said triumphantly as he finally put out the fire. "That steak is done."  
  
I laughed going over to look at the steak. "I hope someone likes their food really well done. Good job, John" I smiled.  
  
"Would you like to cook?" he asked.  
  
"No, you're doing just fine," I said, kissing his cheek. "Mark, you want to help him? Make sure he doesn't screw up?" I asked with a smile.  
  
As Mark got up and assisted Carter, Rachel leaned over to Elizabeth and I. "Think we'll need to order pizza?" she joked.  
  
"I don't know," Elizabeth began. "Two of Chicago's best doctors versus a grill full of meat."  
  
"I'll go find the number for Pizza Hut," I laughed.  
  
An hour and a half later, Carter and I were clearing up the dishes after a surprisingly wonderful meal. Ella sat in Elizabeth's lap, playing peek-a- boo with Mark and Rachel stood up. "Can we go make ice cream now?" she asked.  
  
"Sure. Come on in," I smiled. As John rinsed off the dishes, I got out the milk, cream, and other ingredients. We started making the ice cream, but Rachel soon became bored while it was churning and went back outside.  
  
"Having fun in here?" I heard Mark ask as he walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah," I smiled.  
  
"I've been wanting to tell you something," he said, sitting on the stool next to mine.  
  
"Well, we've got half an hour before this is done," I said, suddenly apprehensive.  
  
"Good. I wanted to tell you that I'm taking Rachel to Hawaii in a couple of days," he said quietly. "She's my daughter, and I didn't do a good job raising her--"  
  
"Mark, don't say that," I interjected, putting my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"No, I could have done better. But I want to take her there for a while, show her one of the places I grew up, just be with her." His voice was soft and thoughtful, and it made me start to cry.  
  
I stood up and hugged him tightly. "You're not coming back, are you?" I whispered, trying not to sob.  
  
"I wish that I could say I was, but I don't think I will be," he murmured, holding me tighter.  
  
We stayed like that for a few minutes, standing in the kitchen with my arms around his neck, the tears flowing down my cheek.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Susan," he began.  
  
"Don't be," I said, pulling back and wiping my eyes. "Please, don't be sorry. I want you to go, have fun, get a tan," I smiled.  
  
He pulled me into another hug. "I love you, Susan. I'm going to miss you."  
  
"I love you too, Mark," I said before kissing his forehead.  
  
Ice cream eaten and enjoyed, dishes washed and dried, baby changed and fed, John and I stood at the doorway, bidding a good bye to everyone. When it came time for me to say bye to Mark, I simply pulled him into a tight hug and he walked away from me with a smile, not a word between us spoken.  
  
Later that night, I laid in bed, John nestled next to me.  
  
"What's wrong, Susan? You seem depressed," he said.  
  
"Mark's leaving. He and Rachel are going to Hawaii in a couple of days. John, he's going there to die," I said, unable to stop the tears that fell onto the pillow.  
  
Carter didn't say anything for a while, just pulled me close. "I know this is so hard for you, Susan. Its hard for me too, but you feel a much different pain than I do. I can only tell you this: I will never leave you. As long as I live, I'll always be here at your side. Mark is going to die, and I wish I could stop that and save him, much as I'm sure you do, but the only thing I can do is hold you when you cry, and stand by your side always. You'll grieve, but I'll be here to grieve with you. I love you, Susan; I always will." He kissed my forehead, each cheek, then my lips. I saw his sincerity and love in his eyes and smiled up at him.  
  
My tears stopped and I wiped them dry as he continued to hold me. As I felt his breathing slow and deepen, I entwined my hand in his. Though he surrounded me with warmth and love, I couldn't help but feel the cold, heavy weight of loneliness deep within me.  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Finally done. I don't think my computer wanted me to write this one, it kept coming up with errors and mischievous ways to delete the story, but after many attempts and re-writes, I have finally gotten that story that's been floating around in my head for a couple weeks out. Thanks to all who read it!  
  
Stephanie  
  
Trekgirl01@aol.com  
  
http://members.tripod.com/trekgirl01 


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